The Four Churches I Love

• Faithbridge Presbyterian Church.  On paper, my connection here is strongest, but in actuality and function, the connection here is the most tenuous.  Faithbridge is the church I was a member of when I entered the ordination process, and therefore the church I remain “under care” of until after seminary.  That said, we now live 1,500 miles away from this church, have no family and few connections there, and I haven’t heard from my “session liaison” in well over a year.  Faithbridge played a large part in my decision to enter ministry (for which I’m eternally grateful), but it’s hard for me to consider myself a “member” there, even though of all four churches, this is where my membership officially resides.
• Middlesex Presbyterian Church. This is where my family attends every Sunday morning in New Jersey, and we are “affiliate members” here.   I consider the pastor here, Dr. Neal Presa, as “my” pastor, and the congregation is an extended family that looks out for and cares for me and my family, and we participate actively in the life of the church.  However, even though this church is a lot closer than Faithbridge, we still live 45 minutes away, making it hard to engage with the community throughout the week.  We spend long chunks of time away from this church in the summer and over the Christmas holidays–some of the most important times in the life of a church.  I also realize that this is a temporary family for us, as my time at seminary will come to an end, and we have no deep roots or family in New Jersey.
• First Presbyterian Church of Second Life. This is the online community I helped organize a little over a year ago that meets in the virtual world of Second Life.  It is probably the most cutting-edge and innovative of all my church communities, and there is a great excitement among those who participate.  My wife and I can participate in this church wherever we travel, and even worship together when we are in separate cities.  There is a very real, very embodied community in this church, that has deepened my faith and my relationship with others.  However, because our denominational polity still lags behind the technology, this church cannot yet be recognized as an “official” church, and there is no way (yet) for my children to actively participate with us.  Many members of this community are also members at other, geographically-based churches.
• First Presbyterian Church of El Paso.  This is the church where I’m currently serving as a summer pastoral intern.  On one hand, this church is entirely new to me and to my family (and has been very welcoming), but on the other hand, El Paso is my hometown, where my wife and I  grew up, met, and married. We have more family here than anywhere else, and will almost certainly return here after seminary.  I am not a member of First Presbyterian, bu t shortly after my arrival, I was given two things: An email address (neal@firstpres-ep.org) and a  very professionally made and nice-looking hard-plastic, magnetic name tag.  These things may sound trivial, and yet one (the name tag) is traditionally recognized in church culture as an unofficial sign of membership, and the other (the email address) is a clear and certain hallmark of membership in the digital culture of my generation.  For this and many other reasons (like the fact that the pastor is a former college English professor, and that the father of my high-school best friend is an elder here) I feel very much “at home” here.

Serial Monogamy vs. Polygamy

While monogamous relationships have long been the ideal in Western culture, many sociologists have noted the recent trend toward “serial monogamy” – in other words, people are likely to have multiple amorous relationships over the course of a lifetime, but in sequence, not all at once.  Church membership has seen a similar trend:  For most,  the era where a person might be baptized, married, and buried all in the same church community is long gone.  Still, in the 20th century, church members were generally committed to only one church at at time in a given location – serial monogamy.

So does that make me a polygamist when it comes to my own church membership?  Am I “cheating” on the church where my membership resides by seeking to fulfill spiritual needs elsewhere, or by contributing my time & talents elsewhere?  Perhaps this is where the metaphor breaks down, but I do feel a certain guilt in the fact that I “need” not just one alternate church community, but no less than four!

Each of these church communities, to some degree, offers something necessary and good for my faith journey.  I like to think that I have something to contribute to each of them as well.  And yet all also have shortcomings – yes, all churches have “shortcomings” but here I do not mean the sort that results from human failing or lack of effort – the shortcomings in this case are all hurdles of geography, technology, or institutional structure.  They are shortcomings for which no solution currently exists, other than “polygamous” or at least “promiscuous” notions of church membership.

Toward Post-Modern Membership

So, in case you hadn’t noticed yet, fixed boundaries are rather difficult for those of us who grew up in a post-modern world, and classic notions of membership seem to be built on expectations of exclusive fealty.  Contrast this with membership in the very post-modern world of the internet:  I have “officially joined” facebook, twitter, Second Life, Google, Wikipedia, FourSquare, Presbymergent, BrightKite, Amazon.com, Ebay, ReverbNation, Pandora, YouTube, Yelp, and hundreds of other “social networks.”  In fact, I was required to join each of them before I could “fully” participate in the life of their respective communities. This is a fixed boundary of sorts.  And yet it is fluid:  None of them seemed to object to my membership in of any of the others — in fact, the really smart (and successful) ones have found ways to actually help me integrate my participation accross platforms so that the unique strengths of each community can benefit the others.  This is the paradigm of “membership” that I think most people in my generation embrace, whether consciously or not.

So what would it look like if church membership took a page from the Web2.0 playbook?  I think the greatest fear that might be voiced is one against fragmentation and confusion.  Promiscuous membership might indeed play into our existing consumerist tendencies.  And yet, is “church collecting” really worse than “church hopping?”   Another fear might be that members would be “stretched thin” – too involved at too many places to be of any use to one.    This is certainly a valid fear.  But I think that here again, skillful integration might be the key.  Most aspects of our lives are balancing acts to begin with, and church communities that find ways to complement and contribute to one another are more likely to survive than those who prefer their members live in isolated fidelity to one community.  I participate in the Amazon.com community far less frequently than I do in the twitter community, but when I need an objective and detailed book review, 140 characters doesn’t quite cut it.  But once I find the review, chances are I’ll post a short-link to it on twitter for others to follow — and thus value is added to both communities.

Epilogue

I would love to say that from here I will now ride happily into the sunset with my four beautiful church communities in tow and live happily ever after – but I acknowledge we’re not quite there yet.  I suspect that my membership promiscuity still makes some people uncomfortable, in some communities more than others.  But I also see hopeful potential  in an expanding understanding of “membership” – for me, for my family, and especially for a denomination in dire need of new approaches and new forms of collaboration.  After all, the one thing my four church communities have in common is that they all share a common name, “Presbyterian.”

Uh oh.  Does that make it an incestuous promiscuous relationship too?

I guess I’d better stop before the metaphor gets “out of hand“…

Flooding
After a nice, month-long, circular trip down to Texas this summer, we arrived back in Princeton to a flooded apartment and a bunch of ruined clothes, carpet, etc. I’m not a huge fan of insurance companies or insurance in general, but among these USAA (renter’s insurance this time) is definitely the best. Glad we have it.

Hebrew
I’m in the middle of an intensive summer language course, Hebrew this time. As with Greek last summer, I’ve had my share of eye-opening moments, triumphs, and frustrations — and the latter of those are largely the same sorts of issues as last summer, but (hoping I’ve learned and grown some) I’ll leave it there and not stick my foot in my blog-mouth with another long rant. Suffice it to say that I am challenged, but doing well, and looking forward to being able to translate my favorite book of the Old Testament: Jonah.

Ukulele
While in Texas this summer, I acquired a very nice ukulele, and am starting to realize what an under-appreciated instrument it is. The uke is LOADS of fun, easy to pick up quickly (although I’m sure difficult to master), sounds beautiful, and I can toss it in my backpack for transportation, too! I even got to lead worship with the uke at one of the seminary’s summer chapel services (and yes, I wore a Hawaiian shirt for the occasion).

Family
Amy and the kids enjoyed seeing family and friends on our road trip in July (I did, too), but things have been fairly chaotic since we’ve gotten home. First the kids got sick, then I got Lyme’s disease for awhile, and all this amidst the flood repairs and insurance cataloging. One saving grace has been the weekly summer cookouts we have on various days with various friends. It’s hard to believe that Grady starts kindergarten in just another month, but he’s definitely excited about it.  Abby will start pre-school two half-days a week, so after a summer of craziness, Amy will finally get some much needed break time.

Work
This fall I’ll be back in the teaching field again:  I accepted a part-time teaching English as a Second Language with the English School at Lawrence Road Presbyterian Church.  It’s only one night a week, but I’m pretty excited about being able to do two things I love again:  1) teach English, and 2) work with immigrant communities.  Also, my website business has been taking off like crazy — to the point where I now have clients backed up all the way into the month of October.  One client I’m excited about in particular is the Office of Evangelism for the PC(USA) — I’ll be working with them this fall to develop an evangelism website that promises to be very cool, and very, very different — and that’s all I can say right now

Beer
I’ve been brewing (with my brewing buddies, Josh and T.S.) and storing away a whole stream of beers this summer, in preparation for an Oktoberfest we’re planning to host at our apartment community (CRW).  We’ve brewed some Belgian Ales (one called JezebAle in honor of summer Hebrew) and some interesting German styles too, including a schwarzbier and an alt bier.  All good practice for the future Locke Brothers Microbrewery Monastery/SettlementHouse/Conference&RetreatCenter/School  someday.

Second Life
My “pet project” over the summer has been to immerse myself in the technology and culture of the virtual-reality world of Second Life.  I strongly believe that widespread use of virtual reality will be the next “phase” in the development of internet and communication technology.  So, I’ve created a Second Life avatar (in SL, I’m “Neill Loxingly”) and have been exploring, building and meeting all sorts of real people in this virtual world.  I have to say that outside of Second Life, I’ve encountered a lot of fear, misconception, and even condescension about virtual reality and Second Life in particular (Isn’t that just a “game?” Doesn’t it take away from “real” interactions?).  While these questions are somewhat legitimate, they also show a misunderstanding of the nature of social interaction and the technology.  But, I guess if it were something people generally understood and realized the importance of, I wouldn’t be doing it now, would I?

In Summation of Summer
In the summer between my first and second years at seminary, I finally “feel” like a real seminary student (Look, Gepetto! I’m a real boy!), and like the rhythms, the community, and the patterns of grad-school life are starting to become more natural for me and for my family.  Not to say that it’s easy — in many ways it’s been the hardest thing we’ve yet done, and probably the hardest parts are still to come.  But one year and one summer down has at least bred a sort of familiarity to this season of our lives, and we’re happy to be where we are, doing what we’re doing among great people and greater friends.

I have an old cassette tape recording of myself in the 3rd grade, talking to the tape recorder. It was a pretty one-sided conversation, but apparently that didn’t bother me too much, as I talked non-stop for 60 minutes on one side, paused to flip the tape, and carried on for another 60 minutes.

Sometimes when my wife asks me about something for which I have a strong opinion (which could be anything from theology to parenting to what color the frying pan *really* is) I get on a soapbox and notice about half an hour later that her eyes have glazed over and her responses have degenerated into “uh huh…yeah…uh huh.”

One might say that I’m prone to diarrhea of the mouth.

Lately, as I’ve been meeting new people here at seminary, and finding plenty of things to opine about, I think it may have gotten worse. Worst of all, I notice sometimes that I’m more interested in what I want to tell people about myself than what I might learn about them. Like, by being quiet and listening? I suspect that if I continue this pattern unchecked, it might make for a lonely four years. Then again, it might also make for some intense competition between me and my son, “getting a word in edgewise,” as he seems poised to follow in my footsteps (which is also a scary thing).

Another thing that’s thrown this habit of mine into the light is some reading I’ve been doing lately on Cistercian Trappist monasticism. While it is certainly a misconception that trappist monks take a “vow of silence” along with their vows of obedience, chastity and poverty, they do place a high value on limiting one’s speech to bare essentials in certain situations, and at certain times of the day. As best as I can understand it, this is an attempt to both cultivate an atmosphere of contemplation, and to practice self-discipline in communication. I imagine it also forces them to be better listeners and reflective thinkers.

It’s a practice I’d like to emulate, at least try to for the next month. Those of you who know me well can stop laughing now… Perhaps if I’m successful it could even turn into a new habit (monastic pun partially intended). However, since I can’t (in the interest of being a good parent, spouse, and student) completely abstain from speech, I’m thinking I’ll mainly stick to limiting or eliminating the following things from my speech:

1. Unsolicited opinions
2. Unsolicited information about myself
3. Unsolicited knowledge (or comments, or questions) for the sole purpose of showing off how smart I am
4. Idle conversation for the sole purpose of filling awkward silences
5. Soliloquies (i.e. any uninterrupted speeches over one minute long)
6. Any words (solicited or not) that might be construed as arrogant, mean-spirited, or critical for the sake of being critical. (I’m not sure how or if this applies to Bill Gates, 1980′s Praise Music, Starbucks, and ASCAP, but they’re probably already safe in light of numbers 1 & 5 above).

I realize I’m setting my sights pretty high here, especially in light of that last one. I will probably fail at some point, most likely tomorrow (or tonight). But it still seems like something worth attempting, and if I’m able to become a more thoughtful person, a better listener, or even just slightly less annoying — then I’ll consider it worthwhile, and worth continuing even when I fail.

And for any smart-ass friends of mine who are about to comment that I’ve already broken all six of my rules in this blog post alone, I’m claiming a general exemption for blog posts. This blog is my sanctuary for long introspective reflection, my outlet for off-the-reservation exploration, and occasional venting. As it is, I only have time to blog once a week on average in the midst of Greekyness. On the other hand, I probably *will* try to apply my rules to comments I make on my own blog and those of others, and to emails and facebook/social network/online conversations.

Of course, that brings me to Twitter (and identi.ca, and ping.fm, and…). Number 4 isn’t a problem, obviously, but I’m kind of wondering if the whole philosophy of twitter goes against numbers 1, 2, 3, and often 5. But then again (let’s try this new listening thing out), what do *you* think?

• Friday — After waking up in Baltimore, we drove the last stretch of our Journey past Philadelphia and into Princeton, we picked up our keys, signed our lease, and found ourselves in an empty apartment waiting for our stuff to arrive.
• Saturday — We slept in, then Grady and I went to the “Dinky” trains station (that’s really what they call it) to pick up my sister, and Grady’s Aunt Emily.  Em treated us to lunch at Chili’s (yes, they have those here), then we went back to our empty apartment, and took turns cleaning and playing with kids.  For awhile, Emily and I sat on the front steps watching Grady play soccer in the front yard with Matthew, a little boy who lives above us.  When we realized how late it was, we rushed Emily back to the train station, explored Princeton a little more, and then called it a night.
• Sunday — We woke up early in the morning to go to church New York City!  Our first trip on the train was exciting, and when we arrived in NYC, at first we thought we were lost, but it turned out we weren’t.  A subway trip brought us to Columbia University, where our friends John and Annie Feighery are PhD students.  Our kids played with their kids, we all went to play in a water-fountain-park near their apartment, had an excellent New-Mexico style dinner, and then to Central Park for a free concert by French/Israeli singer, Yael Naim.  By the time we got back to the Feighery’s apartment, kids and adults were exhausted and ready to crash.  Click here for the rest of the pictures (taken by Annie) of our NYC trip.
• Monday — Got up early to say goodbye to the Feighery’s and catch a train back to Princeton.  When we got back, I made a trip to the seminary campus, where I filled out paperwork for financial aid, and then bought my first two textbooks for my Summer Greek course. Cost about $50 for both, which actually is not that bad.  Yet.  That night, newfound friends Andrew and Kristina invited us to a cookout with a few other seminary families. Afterwards, Andrew took me on a quick tour of Princeton and a stop at Triumph brewery for some growlers (1 growler = approx 4 pints), which we enjoyed later that evening with a few friends and some deep theological discussion.  Well, maybe more interesting than deep.
• Tuesday — Our stuff was supposed to arrive Monday, but somehow got stuck in Pennsylvania, so we spent most of Tuesday waiting for it.  We did make a quick trip to Babies R’ Us to cash in on a present from Amy’s parents: A new play-saucer for Abby (which came in really handy the next day while we were all unloading furniture).  Finally our stuff arrived, and we did a little unloading before it got dark. Some friends we had met the previous night, Nate and Janel, were kind enough to invite us over for dinner.
• Wednesday — John & Aidan caught a train down from NYC to help us unload, and two sets of neighbors from our building (Chris & Sarah, and Casey & Rachel) also pitched in — making the unloading of the truck complete in an amazing two hours.  Following my mother’s advice, I made sure I had beer for the movers — I would have provided them with some good Texas Shiner Bock, but it seems nowhere to be found here in New Jersey, so I opted for Stella Artois instead (hey, it’s Belgian). Afterwards, the Locke’s took the Feighery’s (2/5ths of them, anyhow) to lunch at the local WaWa.  The What???  Actually it’s a chain of convenience stores.  I know, not too fancy, but apparently they’re well known for their hoagie sandwiches, and we were feeling experimental.  In true New Jersey fashion, you go in, punch your order on a computer screen, and never have to talk to a single person! Later, John and Aidan caught the train back to NYC, and we began the piling of boxes (of which there is no end).
• Thursday — After a rather whirlwind week, we slept in Thursday morning, and relaxed for most of the day.  Somewhere in the midst of it, Abby spoke what may have been her first word?  We’re really not sure.  She was looking at Grady, and out of the blue started saying “bubba, bubba” (or it might have been bababababa).  The thing is, when we say it to her now, she’ll repeat it.  So it’s reproducible, but we’re not sure if it really has meaning attached to Grady, her brother.  That evening, we made our first family trip to the grocery store, and I discovered Chimay Cheese in the specialty cheeses section!  The trip took longer than we expected, and so we grabbed some Chinese take-home on the way out, and had a late, improvised dinner to finish out the week.

That’s pretty much it.  If you’re still reading, you must either be incredibly interested in our family, related to us, or else in serious need of switching off the monitor. Either way, thanks, and keep checking back for more Locke family adventures in Seminary.  If you don’t want to bother with checking back, just enter your email address in the “subscribe” box to the right, and you can receive email updates on our journey.  If nothing else, it might be slightly more interesting than spam!

It’s humbling to admit it, but he’s pretty accurate. And painfully, brutally honest at times. It’s like one of those magnification mirrors with built-in lights. The kind that show you more of your face than you really wanted (but perhaps needed?) to see. For whatever it’s worth, and in the time-honored spirit of the narcissistic blog confessional, here’s the report in it’s entirety:

Mr. Locke has good writing skills and an ability to describe people and their interests three-dimensionally. His self-description reflects the range of his interests but does not convey his inner motivations and struggles. He seems to have a tendency to intellectualize and, although he is a person of many passions, may keep his emotional life at arm’s length.

Mr. Locke submitted one reference. Three references were requested. His reference has been his pastor and supervisor, Philip Lotspeich. Strengths noted include intelligence, a desire to grow, friendliness and organization. Rev. Lotspeich suggests that the context of the applicant’s ministry may be the single greatest factor in his success in ministry. Mr. Locke seeks to have a ministry focused in social justice. His prophetic style of ministry would need the appropriate context to be effective. Growth areas noted include pastoral care, and a tendency to be defensive at times.

The applicant approached the task of setting up his evaluation and seeing it through to completion with a professional, assertive style. He was open and talkative in the interview. He came across as self-confident, bordering on cocky. He was invested in the dialogue, somewhat verbose, and eager to discuss his concerns for ministry.

Mr. Locke responded to a number of the items with sarcasm. He noted that some of his friends think of him as cocky, argumentative and arrogant. His self-perception appears to be that of an intelligent, unorthodox, altruistic, non-materialistic individual. He is aware that his values may differ from others and he seems to find some delight in his distinctiveness. Psychologically, his need to be distinctive and advocate for the marginalized may be his way to individuate. Hopefully, this tendency to oppose norms and be an advocate for the oppressed will be used judiciously. If not, he could be perceived as oppositional and alienate others.

Mr. Locke responded to the items of the MMPI-2 in a manner that resulted in a valid inventory. Persons with similar responses use intellectualization as a defense against anxiety. They tend to do at least reasonably well academically. They may have a need to integrate their intellectual and emotional perspectives. They may be somewhat emotionally dependent and lack self-assertiveness in intimate relationships. They are driven by needs for approval and require a great deal of reassurance in their intimate relations.

These individuals tend to be quite comfortable with themselves and ordinarily do not report psychological problems or distress. Active, energetic, and easily bored, they describe themselves as self-confident and easy-going. They often have a history of caregivers who were constantly motivating them to succeed and achieve. They often have resentments of having been controlled and pushed.

The many data sources taken together suggest that Mr. Locke has a strong need for approval. Alignment with a cause may be an avenue to find approval (at least from those who have similar passions). It may be helpful to examine his motivations carefully. Might he be motivated by internalized caregiver expectations? Or do his passions reflect an individualized interest?

Mr. Locke brings energy, activity and self-confidence to ministry. He is strongly extraverted and makes a good first impression. His ego strength suggests good adaptability to life’s demands. He has relatively high abstract interests (an asset for seminary) and need for autonomy. His high need for autonomy could have an impact on his willingness to take or function well in a subordinate position. Currently, he is experiencing low levels of anxiety and emotional distress.

RECOMMENDATIONS

1. Mr. Locke presents with sufficient strengths of personality and character to function well in ministry. He reports little emotional distress or anxiety. Thus, there appear to be no psychological hindrances at this time.
2. Mr. Locke has a passion for a ministry of social justice with the poor and marginalized. He enjoys arguing for his beliefs and attempting to persuade others. He brings the talents and energy to make a difference. However, he may also need to learn to work with people with a broad range of interests, especially interests different than his own. He may need to learn to show the same compassion he feels for the marginalized to all persons. Continuing to explore his motivations and the possible impact of his childhood relationship with his mother would be helpful. Clinical pastoral education would be a desirable training experience allowing him to explore his own thoughts and feelings as well as learning how to express care to a broad audience.

Tomorrow I go before my Presbytery’s Committee on Preparation for Ministry for our first interview.  They’ll have a copy of this report sitting in front of them.  Wish me luck!

I wrote this one for her too, but also for me, and for some friends of ours going through difficult times. Since folk music (at least my kind) strives to be about real life and real people, this is my first ever attempt at a “real” love song. Which makes it, of course, an imperfect one, just like me.